Pastelita, I completely agree with you. Those images are fake and unrealistic and, when women try to comform to them, they just set themselves up for failure, pain, and sometimes even illnesses.

Like you, I also wonder how those women who are being photoshopped feel about it. It doesn’t matter what you look like, you’re never thin/tall/flawless/whatever enough for those who edit these images. They make these women look so different, and that can’t be good for their self-esteem (or anyone else’s for that matter).

Lili, we were referring to women who starve themselves to be sticky thin. Those who do so deprive themselves of important nutrients their bodies need and are often malnourished. They are seriously harming their health and I feel very sorry for them. There are people in this world who cannot afford a loaf of bread and women who can afford any food they want but have serious problems that make them reject food. That’s very sad.

Lili, first of all, let me apologize if this post offended you. I can assure you, that wasn’t my attention at all. But I think you have misunderstood my words. This post is not aimed against skinny girls but against the idea that we need to be thin to beautiful (which is often associated with popularity and happiness), which I agree with you is more in our heads than anywhere else. Rereading what I’ve written, I realise that I may have chosen my words more carefully and explained some concepts better. For instance, I should have written “The only way MOST women can achieve a size 0”, as that’s an ideal that’s impossible to achieve if you aren’t born that way. Unfortunately, having suffered from self-esteem issues related to my weight (which actually got better once I stopped reading magazines and watching so much TV), and seeing a lot of friends still going through that, it’s difficult for me to remain emotionally detached. But in the future, I will sit on a post a bit longer before publishing it.

I don’t believe the media is solely to blame for the idea that skinny equals popular, but it is definitely one of the main culprits. How many women who aren’t a size 0 do you see in magazines? And how many of them are portrayed in a good light? And how many good characters in movies and TV shows aren’t thin? They keep perpetuating stereotypes that do a lot of damage to women worldwide. Those who have learned to think critically and have good self-esteem will just realise these are silly stereotypes and ignore them, but what about all the vulnerable women, especially young ones, who believe them? The media could do a lot to change things, but chooses not to, which is why it is important to address the topic and remind people that you don’t have to look like a celeb in a magazine to be considered beautiful.

“The fact that a lot of these celebs have drinking and drugs problems, are often in and out of rehab and can’t hold onto a man for more than 5 minutes doesn’t seem to matter. ”

I wasn’t trying to diss celebrities here. In fact, I feel very sorry for them. I believe they too are victims, because in their line of work, being considered beautiful matters. And many seriously harm both their physical and mental health while trying to achieve an unrealistic idea of beauty. And of course there’s nothing wrong with dating several people before finding Mr Right. It’s just that I’m tired of people saying things like “you’re too fat, you’re never gonna find a man until you lose some weight”, or “you’re too ugly, no men could possibly ever be interested in you”, or, when a gorgeous man dates an “average-looking” woman “what does he see in her? She’s so ugly”. This means that we think it is easier to find Mr Right if we are beautiful. So, the point I was trying to make is that while beautiful women may attract more men, if they also don’t have a personality, none of them will hang around for long.

I’m sorry that you’ve received nasty comments about your weight. No one, no matter what they look like, deserves that. I agree that women come in all shapes and sizes and that they are all beautiful. I even wrote so at the end of the post (People come in all shapes and sizes and they are all beautiful. Tall, short, thin, overweight, it is you. Embrace the way you look and stop trying to become someone you can never be), but I guess I could have expanded the concept more and make it more clear.

“Most of the clothes seem to be designed for 13 year old girls instead than grown up women.”

I don’t know where you live and what clothes are sold in your country, but here in Italy, good luck finding something to wear if you aren’t tall and skinny. I’m a US size 8, but because I have a big bust, I never seem to find something that fits right. Everything is too small, or is cut-out, strapeless, or just leaves exposed one area or another, which are all styles difficult to pull off for someone who is even slightly overweight. Maybe it’s different in your country, but what I see here, and in Europe, is that designers create clothes with a size 0 in mind, and often these don’t look good on women who aren’t one. This just makes shopping a very frustrating experience for many women. I know women who have stopped shopping altogether because, never being able to find anything that fits them, they always left the shops crying. This probably caused me to be too harsh in my post, but it’s hard not to lose your temper when you see those you love hurt.

I also didn’t mean to make curvy women feel better by complaining about skinny ones. I don’t have anything against women who are naturally skinny, I just don’t want to see women who aren’t strive to achieve a look that’s unattainable for them because that’s only gonna make them feel worse. Yes, people don’t have to make every effort to fit in. And yes, people are responsible for their own actions. But the “sticky thin = beautiful” message is everywhere. It’s on mags, Tv, cinema, billboards on the streets. We’re exposed to thousands of these images every single day and so it is extremely hard not to be affected by them. If you’ve never been, you’re very lucky.

I didn’t write this post with naturally skinned girls in mind, I wrote it for those whose self-esteem is affected by the media. I was trying to help them see that they’re beautiful just the way they are. And if in my zeal, I took things too far and insulted naturally skinned women, then I’m very sorry for it. It was never my intention.

Really? To compare a PERSON’S body to a fund-raising campaign by Unicef… that’s so low.

I can see your point: you don’t have to be happy just because you’re skinny. That’s true but I don’t agree with how it doesn’t seem to matter that those celebs have drug problems- it’s often written negatively about it in media. Blog posts like this one aren’t all too rare either, it’s kinda popular to criticize the thin ideal and point out that being skinny doesn’t necessarily equal happiness. Plus, it isn’t necessarily better to be in a relationship than to be single and mess around with different people, or try dating several men before finding your Mr. Right. It all depends on your personality and where you are in your life right now. To each their own, so what the celebrities love lives look like don’t have any relevance, really.

“And in our society, being beautiful means being skinny.”

I don’t agree with this either. The fashion ideal is a skinny one but there are many other ideals in society. Individuals as well as groups of people have different ideas of beauty and yes, they might sometimes be influenced by current media ideals, but that doesn’t mean being skinny is the only acceptable look. As a skinny woman myself, I’ve received a lot of nasty comments about my body type, as well as the usual: “Men prefer curves. You’re never gonna get a man if you look like a 13 year old.” But seriously, women come in many different shapes and there’s always someone who will appreciate your shape. You can be skinny + beautiful, and you can be curvy + beautiful, and you can be fat + beautiful. It depends on the viewer and your own body image.

I love my body, I love being skinny and my man loves that I’m skinny. I know that I don’t fit in to the general man or woman’s idea of a sexy body: my butt is too flat, my bones stick out too much and my arms are too thin. But I don’t really mind, because I have confidence and realize that the most important thing is what 1) I think and 2) what my boyfriend thinks. Despite that, I think it’s pretty sad how people try to empower women by complaining about other body types. I don’t take offense by it but I think it’s rude, unnecessary, unfair and very contradictive. You don’t have to spit on the ideal body! You can spit on the fact that there even has to be an ideal, but writing like this is just rude:

“Most of the clothes seem to be designed for 13 year old girls instead than grown up women.”

“And does anything look good on women who are so thin their bones are sticking out anyway?”

Also, this isn’t true:

“The only way women can achieve a size 0 is by starving themselves or exercising all the time or both.”

I am a size 0. I haven’t starved myself to achieve it. I haven’t even really tried to achieve it because I’ve been skinny all my life. That’s just my body type. I’m skinny, with some curves. I can still wear a size 0. Then I have friends who aren’t as skinny as I am and they can wear size 0 too. As well as my short friends can. Skinny isn’t the only way to be a size 0, it depends on your height and where you store fat. So really, it’s just BS that you can’t wear a size 0 unless you starve yourself or exercise too much… I eat normal portions and work out only once or twice a week. I still look like this. I would appreciate it very much if people didn’t assume I have an eating disorder just because I fit into the media ideal. It’s rude and stupid.

I also think we need to remember that just because there’s an ideal out there, doesn’t mean you have to make every effort to fit in. No one forces you to look a certain way and you do have responsibility for your own actions. I know that people with ED’s can be triggered by such images as the ones above but that doesn’t mean ED’s exist because of them. There are so many other reasons behind low self-esteem, anorexia, bulimia and so on… it’s unfair to only blame the media.

Oh and I’ve never really experienced that there’s an ideal saying you have to be skinny to get a job. Does it? Where? Who says it? I think it’s more in our heads than in papers, music videos or adverts. Our own ideas are only triggered by those images. If you didn’t agree with the idea of skinny = beautiful, you wouldn’t feel that way after looking at the pictures.